Don't tell me this town ain't got no heart

Greetings all, I have General Anxiety Disorder (GAD).

There it is! This is the reason! It all makes sense now!

Let me start from the beginning...........

About four years when I started college, I couldn't help realize that I handled stress a lot differently than everyone else. Not to mention, I didn't communicate with people the same way as everyone else and I wasn't exactly on the best sleep schedule. Most people blame it on the huge transition between college and high school and the overall shock of being four hours away from home... I am indeed most people.

Moving on, I get by each day, usually making enemies with my insatiably bad attitude. Surprise, I know. However, I don't care to fix it nor even acknowledge that I have a problem. I go through each day in a full blow panic because I don't have control and if anyone takes away that control it's a down-hill spiral to impending doom/destruction/the pits of the Earth.

Finally I have pissed off anyone and everyone around me because I'm right. I know I'm right because no one else can be right, therefore I am right. This is by far the dumbest thing on the face of the planet. I have finally realized it and lo and behold I'm getting better. I went to counseling and talked to a psychiatrist about what was going on. We both concluded this was something bigger than "not enough exercise, doesn't sleep enough" diagnosis.

Here's a pretty good definition of what's going on:

"Generalized anxiety disorder is characterized by persistent, excessive, and unrealistic worry about everyday things.

People with the disorder, which is also referred to as GAD, experience exaggerated worry and tension, often expecting the worst, even when there is no apparent reason for concern. They anticipate disaster and are overly concerned about money, health, family, work, or other issues. GAD is diagnosed when a person worries excessively about a variety of everyday problems for at least 6 months. Learn more symptoms.

Sometimes just the thought of getting through the day produces anxiety. They don’t know how to stop the worry cycle and feel it is beyond their control, even though they usually realize that their anxiety is more intense than the situation warrants.

GAD affects 6.8 million adults, or 3.1% of the U.S. population, in any given year. Women are twice as likely to be affected.

The disorder comes on gradually and can begin across the life cycle, though the risk is highest between childhood and middle age. Although the exact cause of GAD is unknown, there is evidence that biological factors, family background, and life experiences, particularly stressful ones, play a role.

When their anxiety level is mild, people with GAD can function socially and be gainfully employed. Although they may avoid some situations because they have the disorder, some people can have difficulty carrying out the simplest daily activities when their anxiety is severe."

So it's not that I've lost my mind or just plain psycho... Nor is it that I just hate everyone accept myself!

I seriously suggest anyone and everyone to take some time to evaluate their mental health. Words cannot express how much better I feel and how much more productive I am. Praises!

I'm on my way, gonna make it big.

Many apologies for my recent absence. There is a little thing called Step Sing which extracts the souls of many greeks and relentlessly returns them at the beginning of every February. At any rate, it's all said and done with now. Needless to say, I'm thankful for it. My parents came for the Friday night show and spent the rest of the weekend with me. I absolutely needed it more than anything. The best part about it was that they brought my sweet little pup with them. As crazy as it may sound, I love that dog more than I do a majority of people. Anyways, I spent Saturday with them and my mom insisted that she go see the Amish is Lawrenceburg, TN. If you don't know, I am absolutely petrified of Amish people. It's nothing personal, but they just weird me out. Aside from that, there hasn't been much going on. If you haven't not9ced the fact that all of my titles are from song lyrics, then I just told you... So the moral of that story is that I have come to the conclusion that without music I would go completely insane. Whenever I am having a bad day, I get in my car, crank up what ever is on my iPod and put on a pure concert. I swear it has to be one of the most embarrassing things on the face of the planet.... However, it clears my mind and I am free to be around society again without murdering someone. I realize that there are several scientific studies on the fact that music can change the mood of any living being, but to actually grasp the whole concept is something that I don't think will ever happen. I remember helping one of my friends do a project where she let three different plants listen to different types of music with the same amount of sunlight and care. Oddly, the country music cactus out-lived the other two. But none the less, the pure fact that it made any impact at all pretty much blows my mind away. Until some other late night when I have nothing better to do....

It's time to cross that wild meridian.

This is my first post from my actual computer in a while. But let's get real, that's beside the point. Tonight was initiation for my little sister, Casey. I'm so proud of her for making it through. I love going through ritual and reliving my initiation night. I hope everyone that is Greek had as much of a memorable experience as I did. I can remember thinking to myself that this was a life long commitment and I will carry these letters forever. I'm so glad I took the step and I wouldn't be where I am today.

Aside from that, something I have been thinking about is the koi fish. A majority of people just categorize it with really tacky clothing or terrible tattoos. But, as I was sitting in my Geography of Asia class, we were looking at famous art forms and music styles of China and Japan. In the Legend of the Rainbow River, the Japanese people believed that if a koi fish could make it to the top of the Rainbow River, that it would become a dragon. So, the fish has become a symbol of not only good luck, but also a sign of over coming obstacles.

In the past months since my birthday, I've been hit with every obstacle I can possibly think of. If you know anything about me, I'm sure you've witnessed me at my absolute lowest. I apologize to any that I may have hurt in my disposition, but please understand it wasn't me that was speaking. I have also let people down and not given my absolute best. Again, I apologize. I wasn't on my game like I should have been.

But, with that being said, I'm just a koi fish swimming to the top of Rainbow River. I have overcome all of those obstacles; including people that seem to think it is there bounden duty to make me miserable. In the words of NeNe from the Real Housewives of Atlanta, HI HATERS. One day I'll make it to the top and become the dragon I'm meant to be. I'm almost there, but I'm still facing the currents of change.

There's one in every crowd, and it's usually me.

I just spent five hours in the common room talking to my best friend. I absolutely love living here. Nothing brings out the truth in someone like a one on one conversation. With that being said,I'm not sure if it's a change in location or what, but this is the happiest I've ever been. And for once, it's not me that's noticing it. Everyone else has pointed it out for me. Which is always cooler than thinking you're happy when you aren't. Anyways, tonight was Chads memorial service, which got mr thinking how thankful I am to be Greek and have such a great greek community. But then we started initiation, which got me thinking how thankful I am to be an adpi. I love my sisters. May not like them all, but I've definitely found my mid life crisis companions. Going through our ritual reminds me how much we really do live for each other. I believe in alpha delta pi. I believe my sorority is more than a ritual; it is a way of life.

I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am a soul that lives with in.

Tomorrow is my first SOAR session!! Words cannot describe how excited I am about this. Not to mention everyone moved back into the dorms so I'm not alone anymore. So far I love living here. Other than the fact I don't have Jackson anymore, I love it. I spent today getting some serious me time. I did my first two check ins then lounged around my room crafting. That was exactly what I needed. I did some tie-dying as well. Stand by for results. I really want todo some bed sheets when I get better at it. I've noticed my posts have become less and less dramatic or having minimal depth. I guess I need some inspiration. At least that means everything in my life is going peachy. I wish there was more of a flux of bloggers, like twitter. Anyways, I have to be in the performance center at 7:15 am. Until a later date!

I got 32 flavors of that bootylicious bubble gum.

I spent the majority of my day returning purchases. I've finally come to terms with the fact that I can no longer wear a medium.... In anything. I know I'm not overly big and have no reason to be self conscious. However, having to return clothes because they're too small is a total blow to the confidence. Anyways, I also received a letter from my best friend. Snail mail is just so much more sentimental. I miss Alex tons but it makes me so proud of her because she's so successful in GA. Aside from that I have an uncanny ability to completely screw myself over. At this point it's just becoming a talent. Oh well, over it. The phrase stands true, if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. This is a relatively short entry because some things are better left unsaid.

Runnin' her hands through my fro, bouncin' on 24's.

Tomorrow completes my training for Property Manager. Praises! Tonight, the entire housing staff went to dinner at Logan's. I was less thaimpressed with the choice of dining, but I guess thats a pretty universal cuisine. Whatevs. Anyways, all of the housing managers sat together. Talk about a hoot. I hope we get to spend more time together because I had a good ole time with them. With that being said, I love sharing my experiences of being Greek with other members of respective organizations. It creates a bond between people that not everyone understands. I found out our area coordinator was a kappa alpha psi in undergrad and we instantly had six million other things to talk about. Aside from the snide commeenrs about how being Greek makes me better, I can't tell you how much it's changed me. Speaking of "changed" me's. I was recently reminded of how much I have changed. I feel like I'm about 4 years too late to the show, but I've finally become the person I've always wanted to be. I'm no longer the girl with the pony tail, jeans, tennis shoes, and a t-shirt(although occasionally, I have brought them back from the dead.....) Instead, I've traded those hippo vans for a pair of riding boots, skinny jeans, sweater, and scarf to set it all off. Who would of thought it were even possible.... HI HATERS. I can't wait to start school. First SOAR session, making my work schedule, first floor meeting, Midwest Model United Nations, and starting back with Freshman Forum and senate. At least now I don't have to pack a bag to be on campus from 8:30 am- 6:30 pm. My new room is beyond legit! Until next time....